To the Person I Used to Be (and the person I still am)

Yesterday is over. As hard as it is, as hard as it has ever been, it’s time to accept that the things you did yesterday can no longer be changed.

But yesterday will change you.

You have made mistakes. You have hurt people, you have hurt yourself. And you will do it for years to come. People will always have different opinions and you will never be able to please everyone no matter how many times you let them walk all over you. You have spent too long letting them control you in a desperate attempt to keep everything from flowing over the edge. You have spent too long worrying about what will happen if you upset someone by being who you are. You have spent too long hiding.

You are hurting, and that’s okay. Be hurt. The world can take it. Don’t push your feelings aside and pretend like they aren’t important. Yes, other people have it worse. Other people will always have it worse. But that is not a reason to dismiss yourself. If it hurts you, it’s a problem. And it is a problem. So be hurt. Cry. Vent. But do it in a healthy way. You are allowed to be hurt, but you are not allowed to hurt yourself in the process.

Remember you are not alone. You have never been alone. Look around you. Look at the people who care for you. You have lost friends, you have been betrayed, you have lied and you have done things for reasons you can’t understand. Look around again. Those people who are still there will stay for years to come. And the friends you lost will find their way back into your life to fulfill different purposes. To remind you of who you used to be, and who you are now.

That will make you sad – remembering who you used to be. Remembering the things you did and the way you hurt people and how every little thing felt like the end of the world. You are not that person anymore. You never were that person. Those things you did were side effects of growing up. But you, the real you, has always been the same. The kind, caring person who befriends the bullied and helps anyone who is sad. You are a good person.

Bad things will happen to you. Bad things have already happened to you. You will hold onto the mentality that nothing else bad can happen because you’ve already been through horrible things. It’s not true. There isn’t a balance to life like that. Things will get worse. Things will get very bad. But things will also get very, very good.

You must learn to let go. Let go of yesterday. Let go of the person you think you are now, because that person is not who you will be. Learn to be hurt and be okay. Remember your mistakes, but do not dwell in them. Look around you. Take a breath.

You are not alone.


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